I Can't
by horseriding-muso
Summary: Harry has feelings for Draco, but does Draco feel the same way? Please R


Disclaimer: The Harry Potter trademark does not belong to me. I do not own it, I did not create it. All that is mine is the plot.  
  
Warning: Does contain slash (malexmale relationship), if you are offended by that, don't read on.  
  
A/n: Howdy! This story is only going to be a one-shot, so don't expect me to update it. I appreciate constructive criticism, but otherwise if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. Don't say how disgusting this story is or how I have a sick mind, because you were warned about what this story does contain. Ok, so now that I've set down my ground review rules, please enjoy reading!  
  
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I Can't  
  
I had been watching him for years. Why had it taken me so long to realise I loved him? Maybe it was the fact that ever since I had turned down his invitation of friendship, he had treated me like dirt, but I cannot deny that ever since I first saw him in Madam Malkin's Robe shop, I adored him. Maybe in my eleven-year-old innocence I thought it was because he knew so much about the wizarding world.  
  
When I was twelve, Ron and I went into the Slytherin common room disguised as Draco's goons, Crabbe and Goyle. Seeing Draco relaxed and himself instead of the stuck up ponce he made himself out to be in front of me, it made my knees go weak. Clichéd, I know, but that's what I honestly felt. Of course I've never told Ron or Hermione any of this.  
  
My thirteenth year of life came and went; I still didn't realise my feelings for the blonde Slytherin, still thinking it was simply his power that I adored. Never once assuming that I, Harry James Potter, could be gay.  
  
Fourth and Fifth year were much the same. I found myself making excuses for how I felt about Draco, and why I felt a need to be with him, to hold him. I simply refused to admit the fact that I was gay, I mean, I had gone out with Cho, hadn't I?  
  
Then came my sixteenth birthday. The day I woke up to myself. The day I finally admitted to myself I was gay. I told no one, afraid of being shunned, afraid of being an outcast, afraid of losing my friends, afraid of being all over the Daily Prophet. Afraid of never ending articles in Witch Weekly, and even an article in the Quibbler: 'Proof that He Who Must Not Be Named affected Harry Potter's love life.' Actually, that thought made me smile.  
  
I came back to Hogwarts feeling slightly happier, but wishing Sirius was still around. Sirius would have been the one person I could have talked to about it. I found myself becoming jealous of Hermione and Ron being prefects, because they got to spend time with Draco, even if they didn't want to. I also found myself stealing glances at Draco at every opportunity. I remember one time when I had been staring at the blonde for a while at breakfast.  
  
"Harry, are you even listening to me?" Ron's voice had broken through my thoughts.  
  
"Huh? Yeah, of course Ron. I saw that fantastic save you made yesterday. Practically won the game for us." I had known paying Ron a huge compliment like that would pay off.  
  
Ron had quickly glanced over at where I had been staring but not finding anyone who he thought would interest me, continued to talk. Hermione was not as thick. She had looked towards the Syltherin table and scanned the faces and then turned back towards me, a look of shock and disgust on her face.  
  
"Pansy?" She had mouthed. I had shaken my head furiously, somehow Ron didn't notice. Hermione had another quick glance, and then had turned back with a puzzled expression.  
  
"Malfoy?" Hermione's eyes had been wide, but somehow had widened further when I blushed and nodded. Ron was still oblivious to what was going on. Hermione had smiled and I remember feeling a huge rush of relief and gratitude. From then on, Hermione and I had many late nights up, talking about it.  
  
Then the strangest thing happened. One day after potions, I had to stay back to clean up my porcupine quills, which Snape had so kindly made me scatter everywhere. Draco walked past my cauldron and dropped something in it, never stopping once. I quickly glanced up to see if Snape as looking at me. He wasn't, so I grabbed the piece of parchment out of my cauldron. It was a note. Why would Draco be giving me a note? I quickly opened it up and read it.  
  
'Harry, Meet me in the deserted classrooms on the 4th corridor tonight, at 11pm. Come alone. Draco.'  
  
Those two simple sentences made my heart flutter with a million different emotions. Happiness; Draco wanted me to meet him at night, alone. Fear; would Draco come alone? Worry; does Draco have something awful planned? It went on and on, I was fretting about whether to go or not. So I had a talk to Hermione about it.  
  
"I think you should go, Harry, I mean, what if he feels the same way about you? You'll never know if you don't meet him tonight."  
  
"I know, Hermione, but what if he brings his goons along, or makes me tell him and then spreads it over the entire school? There are just too many risks, Hermione."  
  
"Harry Potter! Think of all the risks your dad and his friends took when they were school! And that wasn't even for love." Hermione glared angrily at me, then her gaze softened. "Listen, Harry. You love him, don't you? Well, take a small risk and meet him tonight. I'll even go with you, and stay under the invisibility cloak, if you like."  
  
Hermione's little speech had motivated me. "No, Hermione, It's ok. I'll go alone. I just need your help getting out of here undetected."  
  
So it was all planned, and that's how I got where I am now. I am sitting in the deserted classroom on the fourth corridor, at five minutes to eleven. I hear footsteps and look up. I can't help but smile as I see the tall blonde enter the room. Draco comes and stands above me.  
  
"I know Harry. I know how you feel." Draco says, and then kneels down in front of me, taking my hands in his, making me go light headed, just because he is finally touching me.  
  
"How, how did you guess?" I finally manage to splutter. Well, there goes the calm and collected Harry I had conjured up only seconds ago.  
  
"It was quite easy, actually. You were always looking at me, stealing glances. I said nothing, respecting you privacy." Draco smirked. "Doesn't sound like the me you know, does it?"  
  
I thought for a second, almost deciding to tell Draco about the Polyjuice Potion. Quickly deciding against it, I shook my head, grinning.  
  
Draco continued with his story. "Soon enough, I found myself stealing glances at you. At first I made up excuses that it was because I wanted to catch you looking at me, but I realised it was because of the same reason you looked at me."  
  
That made me really smile. It sounded like exactly what I had gone through.  
  
"So, eventually, I got the nerve to arrange a meeting with you. As soon as I left the room, I regretted it. What if you didn't show up? What if you thought I jut wanted a fight? Or, even worse, what if you brought Weasley or Granger along? Then I thought to myself, of course you'll come. You're the brave Harry Potter, up for anything."  
  
I chuckled. "I guess we don't know each other as well as we think we do." I looked up into confused metallic eyes. "I was thinking of not coming, in fact I wasn't going to come at all, but Hermione talked me into it."  
  
That shocked Draco. "Granger? She knows? She's not here anywhere, is she?" He searched the room with his eyes.  
  
I gently squeezed his hands. "Yes, Hermione, yes, she knows. Don't worry, she won't tell anyone. And she isn't here. She offered to come, but I knew I had to come alone."  
  
"What about Weasley? Does he know?" Draco was still worried.  
  
"No. Only Hermione knows. I didn't tell her anyway, she guessed."  
  
Draco relaxed after that. "Listen Harry, I organised this tonight because I needed to tell you something." He removed his hands from mine and I looked at him confused. "Oh, Harry, it hurts me so much to have to do this." Draco raises his hand, and for a moment I think he is going to hit me, but he places his hand gently on my cheek. Draco moves his hand down to my chin and lifts my head up, then kisses my lips feather softly, leaving me wanting more. I wonder why it hurts him to kiss me, but when I finally open my eyes and come back to my senses, I realise he is walking towards the door.  
  
"Draco?" I look at him quizzically and he turns to look at me, his beautiful face stony, but I can see the pain in his eyes. "I love you. Why can't you love me?" I raise my voice slightly, desperate for him to come back to me.  
  
"I'm sorry Harry. I want to love you, but I can't." Draco takes another step towards the door.  
  
"Why? Why can't you love me? Why can't you come back here, next to me?" I can't stop the tears coming down; they trail down my face and plop off my chin into my lap.  
  
"I can't Harry, I just can't." Draco whispers, then turns and walks out.  
  
I hurriedly get up and run out of the classroom, quickly catching up to Draco. I reach out and grab his arms. "How can you say that? Just like that? Like it doesn't hurt you!" I'm hysterical now; I just can't seem to calm myself down.  
  
Draco turns to look at me; I can see tears glistening in his eyes. "It's so difficult to explain, Harry. I want to love you, and be loved by you, but I can't. It would never work out Harry. Please, don't think this isn't hurting me. It's hurts to have to say this too you, and it kills me to have to see you like this, but I jut can't love you Harry, I want to, but I can't." With that, the only one I have ever truly loved, wrenched his arm free and walked away, leaving me standing in the corridor, heart-broken and alone.  
  
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A/n2: Well, there it is. Poor Harry. Please tell me what you think of it!! Thankies!! 


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